Alone
by GothPhantom
Summary: Staring at the ceiling had become a habit for Rod. Countless nights of crying, the pain in his heart never went away. Rod x Nicky. One Shot.


**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Nor do I own the begining part of this story.**

**Author's Note: So there aren't a lot of stories in Avenue Q :(. But I wanted to write one, because I absolutely love Rod x Nicky. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy. Happy Valentine's Day :).**

"Why don't I have someone by my side who makes me feel special and safe? Someone who...loves me the way I love them?" Rod turned, eyes filling with tears.

"Rod, you special," Christmas Eve comforted, rubbing his hand soothingly, "Rod, you safe."

Gulping, he faced the Asian American. "I miss Nicky."

………..

Staring at the ceiling had become a habit for Rod. Countless nights of crying, the pain in his heart never went away. The moment he kicked Nicky out of his apartment, his heart dropped, and it stayed at the pit of his stomach. Slowly leaning over, the Republican glanced at the clock.

_2:07 A.M._

_Goddamnit._

Sitting up, Rod reached for his glasses slowly. Wiping the tears away from his brown eyes, he sniffled, and put on the lenses. All the stress that weighed his shoulders left him weak and emotionally unstable to be himself. Running his hands through his orange hair, he sighed. _Do I really care for Nicky? _Even considering the idea made him shudder. A man liking another man? That wasn't natural.

But his dreams certainly didn't have a problem with the idea.

On the nights that he actually got sleep, Rod always dreamt of his ex-roommate. His dreams were so realistic; Nicky's emotions were so honest, his touch was so real, almost as if Nicky was having the same dream as Rod.

Standing up, he looked at the streetlights. New York was a pretty place at night. Sometimes, when Nicky was fast asleep, Rod would leave to take a walk in the city lights. _It has been a while_, Rod thought, pulling on his jacket, _a walk will clear my head of him. _

As he closed the door to his apartment, he felt the cool February breeze hit him. Zipping up his jacket slightly, he put his hands in the pockets and started walking.

"I so glad I have you." Rod was walking past Christmas Eve and Brian's apartment. He looked at the window and saw the two embracing.

The alone feeling crept upon him once more. Walking briskly off of Avenue Q, he checked for oncoming cars. Noticing he was in the clear, he walked onto the next street, slowing his pace down.

It was almost as if he was running away from reality. Secretly, in the back of his mind, the word, "Denial" liked to show itself quite often. It was almost as if it was an annoying little kid who followed you around everywhere. Whenever Nicky came into his mind (Which was almost every moment of everyday) the word popped up in big, bold letters.

Rod had no problem with gay people. He thought that if you were happy with someone, that's all that mattered. But for some reason, the thought of _him_ being gay, just felt as though he'd be hated and judged.

"…How can you kick me out of somewhere that I found in the first place?"

"Get out! You're as homeless as I am, but I could beat your ass in two seconds if you don't leave."

"Okay, okay, calm down. No need to hurt anyone. But can't we talk about kicking me out first?"

Rod stopped walking. That voice sounded oddly familiar. Uncomfortably familiar.

Suddenly the sound of punches could be heard. Rod hurried to follow the voices, when suddenly, a body was thrown out from behind a dumpster. Running towards it, he fell to his knees.

"Rod?" Nicky asked groggily, nose bleeding and eyes not focused.

"Nicky, are you alright?" Rod asked, trying to help his friend up.

"I can't believe I get kicked out of living with you," Nicky stated in disbelief, shaking from the cold, "and then I get kicked out of living by myself on the streets."

Rod felt guilt ridden. "Come on, Nicky. Let's get you back to the apartment and we'll clean you up."

Nicky attempted to get up, but couldn't stand; Rod caught him right as he was falling. Nicky fell in his arms, and Rod looked at his homeless ex-best friend. The beaten hobo's eyes met with Rods; a spark happened in Rod's heart. Breaking the eye contact, Rod pulled Nicky into a standing pose.

Using him as support, Nicky and Rod made it back to the apartment. The green puppet sat down on the chair roughly, unable to stand on his own. His leg slammed against the brick wall when he was thrown, and his head hit the ground hard.

"So, tell me, Rod," Nicky started, ripping the pant leg off and seeing how bruised and cut it was, "what were you doing at two o'clock in the morning walking around New York?"

Rod froze. "I-I just had to clear my mind."

Nicky gulped, and then took Rod's hand in his own. "I think we need to talk, Rod. About me being kicked out and all."

Rod stood up. "I just can't believe you said that about me Nicky."

Nicky tilted his head. "I honestly don't think that's the only reason you kicked me out, buddy. So I said you were gay, you and I both know that's no reason you'd kick me out. And even if it was, you wouldn't let me be homeless over that."

Rod fidgeted with his hands. "I mean, maybe, there was a deeper reason or something." _Stupid. You sound stupid. Just tell the damn guy._

"Well, what was it?" Nicky asked curiously, sitting up straight. "Rod, buddy, you know you can tell me anything. You're my best friend."

"I think," Rod started, thinking out loud, "I think I love you."

Before Nicky even got a chance to respond, Rod jumped up and started apologizing. "I'm really sorry about you being homeless, Nicky, but I think it's time you go. I'm sorry, I hope you don't hate me..."

Almost running out of the room, Rod attempted to make it up the stairs. His finger tips were barely touching the hand rail when he heard Nicky call, "Rod, please come back."

Hesitantly, Rod turned around. He was shaking with fear. "Way to be dramatic," Rod cursed to himself, slowly making his way back to Nicky, "I'm sorry. Let me explain, please?"

Nicky nodded. "Sure thing."

Rod gulped, and started pacing. "Well see, I can never get you out of my head, Nicky. Whenever I try to, nothing happens. It's almost as if you're suppose to be there." Rod bit his lip and broke eye contact. "And the reason I kicked you out is because, well…I guess, because when you thought that I was gay, I freaked out, because well, I didn't want you to know that the guy I actually did like…was you."

Nicky stood up. Limping slightly, he walked over to Rod, whose eyes were filled with tears. "I just want someone to love me like I love them," Rod finally revealed, finding it harder to tell Nicky than Christmas Eve, "and I want that someone to be you."

The ex-roommate got closer. "Rod, you should know that no mater what, I wouldn't hate ya. I couldn't hate you even after you kicked me out of the apartment. Why would I hate you after you saying something like that?"

"I-I don't know," Rod confessed, his body aching from the rejection he knew was coming, "I guess, because, you're not gay, and I…well, I am."

It seemed as though Nicky had gotten dangerously close. "Those things let unsaid…" Nicky muttered, flipping his hair so it partially got in his eyes. "I think it's my turn to explain, Rod."

"Explain what?"

"Everything." Nicky frowned. "Well see…when you kicked me out, I couldn't stop thinkin' about ya, Rod. It was hard to get by, and even though when we lived with each other we got at each other's throats, I _liked_ it. You were my friend. But sometimes, I noticed, when we were together, my heart was beating abnormally fast. When I was living with Kate and Brain and them, I didn't get the same feeling as I did when I lived with you. With them, it felt like I was a hassle. With you…" he gulped, "it felt like I…I was suppose to be there. With you.

"When you and I were separated, my heart felt like it was dead. But I gotta say, living on the streets makes you think a lot. I couldn't stop thinking about why I missed you so much. Why I liked us getting in arguments together. Why I pushed the fact that you were gay so much. Why sometimes, when we still lived together, I'd sit for hours on the couch waiting for you to get home just so I could see you after work. And then it all made sense."

Rod felt at a loss of words. Nicky took a deep breath and pressed his lips gently against his ex-roommate's. Rod's heart was pounding in his ears. Nicky's lips were so soft and welcoming, Rod could've thrown him on the floor right then and there. Slowly he pulled away, and Rod couldn't tell if he was dreaming, or if his dreams had finally become his reality.

"Hey, Rod, what's today?" Nicky asked quietly, smiling and putting his forehead on Rod's.

"Um, well, technically it's the fourteenth, why?"

Nicky smile was the goofiest smile Rod had ever seen. "Happy Valentine's Day, Rod."

Rod had never become so red in his entire life. He too, formed a smile that he knew looked ridicules. Pulling Nicky close he whispered, "Happy Valentine's Day, Nicky."

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